Here it is almost winter Solstice time, promising the return of the light. I, too, feel a surge of glowing power unfurling within me, so beautifully reflected in the world outside.
I've been on leave from my counselling practice for the 2013 year, and during this time away from my soul's calling, I have learned so much about myself and what is important to me.
In all honesty, my entry in to the counselling world several years ago was a tough one, and in many ways I didn't know if I was cut out for all that this role entailed. I entered with such enthusiasm and passion, not fully prepared for the reality of what it meant to open a private practice. I loved the work, felt so honoured to hold space for the delicate unfolding of my clients' lives, yet this seemingly wasn't enough to get me through, to pay the bills, to do the marketing, and stay afloat. I guess you could say I just couldn't sustain what I'd hoped would finally be the "answer."
And so, I took some time to ponder, to re-calibrate, to process. I embarked on some new and rewarding adventures that helped me ground and decide what it was that really mattered, what it was that my heart was truly seeking and wanting to express. I found myself returning to Salt Spring Island, my home from 2001- 2004, and here I am, by the fire in my cozy cabin. As I sit here, the light preparing to return again, I have a new understanding of what actually happened for me, beyond all the obvious financial and business related excuses. I just didn't feel worthy.
What a tough realization to step into, and yet at the same time, what a gift! A gift to finally know this, to really get it, feel the shame of it, the pain of it, and let it have its way with me. Ouch. As I felt into it I came to see how cunningly this limiting belief has wound its way through every part of my life, and, as a result, had me create a world that never seemed to be in alignment with my desires and dreams.
Having come to this realization, wrestled with it, painted it, written it, cried it out, and hopefully, accepted it, I am now able to act from a more empowered place, knowing that I am so much more than this limiting and untrue belief. What a relief to discover that in being inherently worthy, I have nothing to prove! And, thankfully, as I integrate the true belief that I am a worthy and powerful being, the world around me begins to reflect it, as I emerge again to serve in the way my heart most desires.
Funny how those soul callings never leave us, no matter how the ego mind tries to plan and protect, ultimately keeping us in a safe yet oh so small existence. I seem to keep learning, in many different ways, that I did not come here to be small, to live small, and when I do, I suffer. And, as in my previous post, when heart is my guide, I am always lead to the HIghest expression of myself, if I am brave enough to listen to and trust in that guidance.
I've learned that while I love serving as a counsellor and facilitator, it is not "the answer." As is taught in A Course In Miracles, nothing outside me can be my salvation, each path is simply another way to share, to grow, and most importantly, to love. I am here to love, and it just so happens that the way my soul wants to do that is through helping others realize their own light, their radiance, their truth. How does that saying go, We always teach what we need to learn?
And so, I am returning to my counselling practice again, infused with a deeper awareness of who I am and what I am offering, and a palpable desire to serve the planet at this time when love and understanding are so desperately needed. I have adopted a new outlook on payment, as I believe that everyone should have access to healing that can assist them on their own journey of transformation. Just as I have been so blessed with infinite support and caring from so many, I feel called to offer affordable support to those in my community whose hearts are hurt and in need of a reminder that they are not alone.
Thank you for reading. I wish you all a beautiful Solstice. May the light in your hearts be felt and shared.